Color Story

Written and Directed by Sara K. Schneider

Performed at the Ohio Theatre, New York, 1992, with the kind corporate sponsorship of Pantone Inc.

(The Designer and the Mute Mother exit; enter the Gender Anomaly and the Kid, who take seats and speak straight out.)

The Gender Anomaly: Good evening.

The Kid: Good evening.IMG_20150403_0026

The Gender Anomaly: The story we’re delighted to unveil tonight for ’93-’94 is …

Both: “Doohickeys.”

The Gender Anomaly: We are willing to break the taboos that have previously prevented people from openly discussing their relationships with objects.

The Kid: It’s 1992: We are ready to discuss:

Both: Doohickeys.

The Gender Anomaly: If you will indulge me in a little

personal history,

I promise it will pay off.

Since probably

late childhood

I have noticed that the way people handle objects

of particular colors and materials

when they are in virtual-survival situations

reveals a lot about their needs and identities.

Personally, I know that when I’m handling virtually

anything out of—

The Kid: Twenty-pound vinyl?

The Gender Anomaly: —As long as it’s in an intense Crayola tone—

I feel much more in touch with the world around me,

as well as a greater part of my own

civic community.

Do you remember when those matte blacks came out

in the mid-80s?

That was a very rich time for me,

personally.

Of course, that was before the Kid’s time, here,

but I was able to save up enough of the materials in

Stereo equipment and automobile interiors

to give him a feel

when he started his apprenticeship with me

a year ago.

The Kid: During the past year, the Gender Anomaly and I

have been visiting airports,

watching how people handle objects

when they are in the airport waiting room—

that precious situation of being at the same time

completely alone and completely in public

with one’s most essential and meaningful possessions

on one’s back.

We saw people taking intense comfort and pleasure

In smoothing down the angles of their leatherbound

personal organizers

and inserting them in an upright carry-on bag,

or in deftly unwrapping

and then re-folding the plastic shower cap that goes into

its own,

perfectly designed,

waterproofed compartment

in a rectangular prism cosmetic case.

The Gender Anomaly: Yesss!

The Kid: These objects—

through their particular combination of

color, shape, and materials—

made these people feel

efficient …

The Gender Anomaly:

Safe …

The Kid: Attractive, even …

Both:

Loved.

The Gender Anomaly:

What we are presenting is a story of objects that will

appeal to the contemporary traveler.

The Kid: Or to the conceptual traveler

The Gender Anomaly: Of all ages.

An attaché case …

The Kid: Perfectly packed with a travel toothbrush …

The Gender Anomaly: Easily folded into its own

plastic container.

Slip into any pocket:

breast pocket

back pocket,

close to the body.

The Kid: A chamois shoe-shining cloth

in a color and design that

feels as good in your hand as it does

on your shoe.

The Gender Anomaly: A cast-ironlike razor:

streamlined in design,

liquid metallic in color, and

designed to be pleasurable for precisely the length of time

it takes to shave.

The Kid: A portable iron in this—

The Gender Anomaly: Oooogh, this poochy—

The Kid: Peachy—

The Gender Anomaly:

It’s poochy—well, we don’t know the technical term,

but it doesn’t matter—

The Kid:

It’s perfect! You wouldn’t even know you were ironing!

The Gender Anomaly: The design element that’s interesting here is the combination of color and touchability.

The Kid: It’s also about survival.

IMG_20150403_0008The Gender Anomaly: Even if you can’t afford to travel,

take your attaché case to the airport.

The Kid: And take your time.

It’s time for …

Both:

Doohickeys.

 

Color Story © Sara K. Schneider 1992

Website © Sara K. Schneider 2015